Saturday, July 03, 2010
I read a lot of blogs almost daily. Today I was reminded about my word of the year. That word was Appreciate/appreciation.
On March 29, 2010 my life changed completely. That is the day my husband passed away. I know he went to a better place so I have tried not to be too sad at least for him. His pain is gone, he doesn't have to work when he would rather be retired, and he no longer has to worry about paying bills, not enough money, how will we manage with health insurance if he does retire.
But I was sad at the same time losing my partner of 39 years (plus 4 we dated). I think what I miss most is not having him to talk to about things that go on in day to day life. Now alone I have to worry about the lack of health care insurance, the bills, the money, and taking care of our house and babies. Sometimes it is just about overpowering.
I think I always appreciated my husband but it took his death for me to realize how much I should have appreciated him. Some widows at church let me know one day when I was complaining about my husband that one day I would wish to have him back flaws and all. Now that is my reality. I would take him back in a heartbeat flaws and all.
I am afraid I will have to opt out of my goals and my word of the year. I am not the same person who made the list of things I should accomplish this year. I am not the same person who had those hopes and dreams for the year. Since March 29, 2010, my only hope and dream is to make it thru such a traumatic time of my life. Just to make it to the other side of a horror I couldn't have imagined. A dream of finding some kind of normal again whatever that is.
I have been in an ATC trade for Primary colors. Some of the cards have reached their new homes. Because I still have no new art, I will share some of the cards with you.
Remember to appreciate what you have and who you have in your life because you never know when it will be taken from you. Don't wait until it is too late.